DooBlog

Back in my most fave place in the world. 

Sometimes I ask myself if this is where I belong after making the decision to stay behind in Manila.  And it hit me it is not where you live but how you choose to live.  Not worrying about the past, trusting that your future is intact, choosing to live your life for today. 

It is amazing how the Lord moves in our lives.  All that He is astounds me.  He knows what He is doing and He gives His children what we really need.  I praise God because I feel like I’m the strongest woman alive!!!

I was in a sound tripping mode last night in my mini house after work, then I saw an old CD from Kuya Macoy.  The CD had two songs in it Lie Low and Love Moves.  Sabi ko, "ok tagal ko nang hindi naririnig ‘to ah…"  so I played it.  It’s funny how some songs that don’t affect you before suddenly becomes so TRUE to your current life as in sobrang ‘relate’, like this one from Plumb.  I’ve been singing this since College and I enjoyed singing it just because of the rhythm.  Funny how true the lyrics is to me now…  I guess, I’ll never really know how good it could be but I have to believe that there is something else for me … and it’s probably GRANDER!!!

I once asked this question:  "If I do not know what I want in my life, how will I know what to do?"

It was very hard for me to accept his answer but I’m realizing that it made sense.  "Think of the things that makes you happy…even the smallest things.  Start to develop hobbies out of those things and start to make new memories."

Have you ever experienced holding a baby in your arms while he sleeps?  I have.  It is a moment that I do not want to get out of.  At that time I feel like I’m time travelling, back to the time when I was young.  Back to the time when life seems absolutely problem-free.  When I lived a perfect life - without responsibilities, no heartaches, no planning ahead of who I want to be or what I want to achieve in 5 years time, when all I worry about is play, sleep and ‘dede’.  When I hold a baby in my arms, for a moment I am free and I am happy.

But holding a baby too long makes me very sad as well.  Anxious of what is to be or not to be.  "Will I ever have a baby?" is the question that pops in mind.  A worse question perhaps is "Am I capable of bearing one?". 

I sometimes think of how ironic the world is.  Why some women who are blessed with the capability to reproduce would choose to have their babies aborted while others like me who desperately want to have one simply can’t.

Whenever I hold a baby in my arms I utter a prayer that someday God will give me a special gift, that someday I will have my own baby to hold.  That someday I will be called Mom.

Jesus said "…you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32

…The pursuit of the truth is a process.  Searching for it requires acceptance and being ready for the consequences that comes with it…

10 –> Telenovela Daily Marathon with my Mom and Lian Ed

9  –>  Business Opportunities all around the City

8  –>  Leslie  -  Thanks for convincing me to lose weight! =)

7  –>  To the eagles of Eagle Farm - Thanks for reminding me

Isaiah 40:31  "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their
strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they
shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not
faint."
6  –>  Zap - I also want to have a pet snake someday!

5  –>  1st time I heard my Mom say "sorry"

4  –>  JC - for being pervertedly cute; for speaking your mind with sense; for bearing with me.

3  –>  Lian Ed - "Tita, back soon" that’s a promise baby.

2  –>  Tita Dolly - my second mommy in Davao.  Thanks for the small but meaningful chat.  You made my trip worth it!

1  –>  My Mommy and Papa - I am missing you already.  Keep on praying for me.  I love you.

I’m still in Davao.  And I’m enjoying every minute that I’m with my family, my nephew … and just the palce.  Davao is my haven.  I’m praying that there’ll be opportunities for me here.  Looks like there are one or two.  But I don’t want to jump into any conclusions … hehe … Anyway, in just a few days I have to go back to Manila again …. haaay stressful Manila.  I wonder what waits for me there now? 

We’ll be going to Eden, Malagos and Eagle farm this next few days. M excited about it.  How I wish that I wouldn’t have to go back to my routines - bahay then work then bahay again.  Dito sarap puro rest, sobrang kain and play with my baby boy.  I’ll try to post some of his pics here para makita niyo kung gano ka cute ang pamangkin ko…manang-mana sa tita!

I’ve been lookin’ till my eyes are tired of lookin’
Listenin’ till my ears are numb from listenin’
Prayin’ till my knees are sore from kneelin’ on the bedroom floor
I know that you know that my heart is achin’
I’m running out of tears and my will is breakin’
I don’t think that I can carry the burden of it anymore
All of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans,
Are slowly slippin’ through my folded hands

So I’m gonna lay it down
I’m gonna learn to trust You now
What else can I do?
Cause everything I am depends on You
And if the sun don’t come back up
I know Your love will be enough
I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go,
I’m gonna lay it down.

I’ve been walkin’ through this world like I’m barely livin’
Buried in the doubt of this hole I’ve been diggin’
But You’re pullin’ me out
I’m finally breathin’ in the open air
This room may be dark but I’m finally seein’
There’s a new ray of hope, and now I’m believin’
That the PAST IS PAST, and the future’s beginning to look brighter now
Cause all of my hopes and my dreams and my best laid plans
Are safe and secure when I place them in Your hands

I’ll be going to Davao tomorrow!  I’m so excited and relieved because after a very complicated and tiring week I can finally have some rest. 

I’ll be going to Davao to ease my whole being.  To rest.  To pray.  To ask for wisdom.

I’ll be going to Davao to renew my physical strength.  To feed my spirit.  To find peace within.

Travelling changes a person. 

I’m 25 going 26 in a few days.  I’ve been caged for almost a decade now and I’ve realized that too late.  Too long have I waited, too long have I stayed in this cold box.  There is no one who can free me but myself.  Today I choose LIBERATION.

What are the consequences of this act? 

• Pain. 
• Fear of the unknown. 
• Search for direction.
• A temporary loss of focus.

Is it worth it?

still have to figure that out.  But I hope so.  I wanna believe so.