I once asked this question: "If I do not know what I want in my life, how will I know what to do?"
It was very hard for me to accept his answer but I’m realizing that it made sense. "Think of the things that makes you happy…even the smallest things. Start to develop hobbies out of those things and start to make new memories."
Have you ever experienced holding a baby in your arms while he sleeps? I have. It is a moment that I do not want to get out of. At that time I feel like I’m time travelling, back to the time when I was young. Back to the time when life seems absolutely problem-free. When I lived a perfect life - without responsibilities, no heartaches, no planning ahead of who I want to be or what I want to achieve in 5 years time, when all I worry about is play, sleep and ‘dede’. When I hold a baby in my arms, for a moment I am free and I am happy.
But holding a baby too long makes me very sad as well. Anxious of what is to be or not to be. "Will I ever have a baby?" is the question that pops in mind. A worse question perhaps is "Am I capable of bearing one?".
I sometimes think of how ironic the world is. Why some women who are blessed with the capability to reproduce would choose to have their babies aborted while others like me who desperately want to have one simply can’t.
Whenever I hold a baby in my arms I utter a prayer that someday God will give me a special gift, that someday I will have my own baby to hold. That someday I will be called Mom.
Jesus said "…you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:32
…The pursuit of the truth is a process. Searching for it requires acceptance and being ready for the consequences that comes with it…
10 –> Telenovela Daily Marathon with my Mom and Lian Ed
9 –> Business Opportunities all around the City
8 –> Leslie - Thanks for convincing me to lose weight! =)
7 –> To the eagles of Eagle Farm - Thanks for reminding me
Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their
strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they
shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not
faint."
6 –> Zap - I also want to have a pet snake someday!
5 –> 1st time I heard my Mom say "sorry"
4 –> JC - for being pervertedly cute; for speaking your mind with sense; for bearing with me.
3 –> Lian Ed - "Tita, back soon" that’s a promise baby.
2 –> Tita Dolly - my second mommy in Davao. Thanks for the small but meaningful chat. You made my trip worth it!
1 –> My Mommy and Papa - I am missing you already. Keep on praying for me. I love you.
